Jackie O, one half of the dynamic duo from 2DayFM’s “The Kyle and Jackie O Show” breakfast radio program, has hinted she “might or might not” quit the radio show that has made her a bunch of money.

Standing in line at McDonald’s Parramatta to order food for Kyle Sandilands, she struck up a conversation with a complete stranger in front of her.

“All I did was turn around to ask the kids if they wanted Coke or Sprite with their Happy Meals… Jackie O must of thought I turned around to talk to her,” said Parramatta local Jenny Stiles, “She just took that as her cue to start whining.”

Jenny, mother of three, spends 60 hours a week working in the ‘Annoying & Extremely Loud Product Testing Dept,’ at Hasbro testing the “Hungry Hungry Hippo” game, while supporting her out of work husband, and raising her three boys all under the age of eight. Jenny had just spent two hours with her sugar deprived children grocery shopping for the week and wanted to hurry up and feed her kids so they would shut up for five minutes “while Mummy got some quiet time.”

Tragically, she got caught in a painful conversation with Jackie O about her ‘terrible life’ and was then tortured with Jackie’s carefree possible plans for the future. “She said something about possibly starting a family or possibly traveling around the world – she’s torn between doing nothing… or doing nothing while earning 1 million dollars a week on her 2DayFM breakfast radio program, “The Kyle and Jackie O show“… that must be a tough decision,” Jenny said with a very noticeable tone of sarcasm.

“I am just so tired… if I knew when I got up this morning that this was going to happen, I would have gone to KFC up the road.” continued Jenny with an uncontrollable twitch in her left eye, “I was clearly in a weakened state… and she took advantage of it.”

Jenny Stiles vowed revenge as she was strapped in a white coat and taken to “Sydney’s Crazy House for the Craziest People”, located coincidentally next to the 2Day FM studio in Sydney.

Other News In Brief

Office worker dies in freak laminator accident. “At least she died doing something she loved,” stated one co-worker who speaks only in cliches. Mourners remember a weird but extremely well-dressed lady who spent a lot of time with the laminator. It’s reported that she became obsessed with laminating after being asked by a co-worker to laminate an A4 document. It was then that she began to laminate everything in sight. “She constantly asked everyday if we had anything to laminate… there’s only so much you CAN laminate,” sobbed another co-worker, “She laminated everything in the office, in the kitchen and she even laminated the toilet paper.” No word yet where the Office Workers’ laminated body will be “laid to rest”.

Witty Science News

A local scientist, famous for being a party pooper, has spent 10 million dollars of tax payers’ money and wasted six years of his life to prove that “Laughter is Not The Best Medicine.”

At the movies with Witty Sam

Avatar is a movie everyone is seeing at the moment and you can see it too if you haven’t seen it already… on a big screen… at the movies. Just don’t get me started on the funny-looking blue people… it’s all my childhood nightmares rolled into one. I had… okay, still have, a very active imagination and my imagination would make up the craziest shit – just for the fun of scaring the shit out of me. That’s not playing fair! This blue-dude Avatar movie will turn people blue… not literally, I don’t want to open up a Pandora’s Box here but Pandora is not a real place… not unlike my imagination. Now that’s completely real…

Witty Finance News

Reserve Bank of Australia plays best poker face and holds off on increasing interest rates. Three “big” banks try to keep a straight face and say that they will not increase their interest rates. Questions are being raised of a new “$50 Vod-ka” bank fee appearing overnight on bank statements across Australia.

Witty Internet News

Internet Newbie, “Jill B” who recently began her own 1stclass lifestyle blog, sent an email to 2 million Gmail users inviting them to open a Gmail email account today. In her defense, “Jill B” as she would like to be known – who is no relation to “Jack B”, said “I had a busy morning… world peace doesn’t happen on it’s own!” Gmail account holders are awaiting further invitations from “Jill B”. One Gmail user pondered while eating a packet of Iced Vo-Vo’s, “I wonder what she’ll ask me to do next – eat Iced Vo-Vo’s?”